and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
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