yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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