Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
