pedialite and red bull = repair kit
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Please don't give away my fajitas
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
