I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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