Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
