He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
