My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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