He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
