I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
