I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I still have a little drunk in my system
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
