i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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