Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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