Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
