seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
sex in a hospital.. check
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
