I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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