his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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