it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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