Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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