ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
