at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
