my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
