Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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