I met the friendliest cop last night
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So many bounce houses so little time
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
