I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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