when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
