you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
