found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
