Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
