Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
you had me at cake vodka
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Randomize
