Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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