I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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