oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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