there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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