I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
