i may or may not be watching the land before time
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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