You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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