i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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