I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
