Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I cockslap morals
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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