Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
handjob tips. give me some.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
