Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I didn't notice because vodka
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
