Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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