I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
