remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
