Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
