Me too!
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i think i scared a bird with my dick
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
