I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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