Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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