she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
