Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
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oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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