I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
