is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
