Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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