Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
