Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
