As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize