what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
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