Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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