You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
