You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
PANTIES FOUND
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
